Question Session

One reader wrote:

"My sons dad has other kids with a few other women. I keep running into one of them everywhere I go! She seems real nice but she asked me for my number saying we should get together. What is her deal? Is she serious? Is she being fake? I don't know about all that. Is it possible to even be friends with my baby daddy's other baby mamas?"

Answer: First of all it depends on the situation. Of course people tend to become friends with others who they find things in common with. While you both have a common link, which is the same man fathered your children, it just isn't enough.

Most commonly women find it difficult to befriend a woman that is currently dating their Ex. While this makes for great T.V. (and oh don't we LOVE Desperate Housewives) it makes for personal life disaster. Like I said before, it depends on your individual situation. The friendship, if one results, should be for the well being of the children. If you are friends to ensure that you are helping the kids build relationships with their siblings; I think it's great and I applaud you.


I became friends with an Ex's other "baby mama" about a year ago. When we spoke on the phone the first time we laughed and got stories straight for hours. It was bitter sweet because we discovered that our relationships overlapped each others. That is hurtful information if you aren't healed and ready to hear it. Our friendship was instant and long awaited. The most important thing is that we allowed our kids to begin their relationship at a young age.

I made my decision to welcome her and her child into my life based on some research.
I was working with a lady who found out that her father had fathered 3 other children. She did not know about these siblings until she was in her forties. When she found out she immediately reached out to them, trying to build a relationship although they were all adults by then. One of her brothers is only a few months younger than she is. Two of the siblings embraced her, the other sibling rejected her and still to this day will have nothing to do with her.

It is not at the fault of our children that they are in these situations. We should take ownership over these things and right these wrongs. In closing, it is okay to be friends with your "baby's daddy's, baby mama" (trying saying that 3 times fast!) if it is HEALTHY and benefits the children involved. The relationship should not be used to "join forces" or intimidate the Father. You should not sit around comparing notes or to find out if they are still sleeping together. None of it matters if you have closure and you are not bitter. If you are bitter STEER CLEAR of the situation. This blog promotes getting the baby mama drama down, not causing an all time rise.

Don't forget to email your questions or topic ideas to me at : askmonique83109@gmail.com

Ladies, do you feel me?

How many times have you found yourselves being referred to as "baby mama"? I have heard it too many times to even sit here and start counting. I don't completely approve of the title, since it has been a long time since my kids were considered "babies",but ladies it is what it is.

There are a few reasons why your children's father chooses to use the term "baby mama" when talking about you or distinguishing what place you have in his life. Those reasons are as follows.

1. You were NEVER his wife.
2. You were NEVER his girlfriend.
3. You have him on CHILD SUPPORT.
4. Last time he saw your kids, they were babies.
5. He is ghetto.
6. He is a jerk (that song was written about us you know that right?)

Now that we have that out of the way I will get into the reasons for this blog. There are not many places for us to dish and discuss the issues that we have to deal with having absent fathers for our children. We come in many shades and types, and ladies we are the MAJORITY. Why don't we have a meeting place yet?

It's because all of us have that one close girlfriend that we can call to run down that, (yeah I'm going to say it) baby daddy. Is it actual running down though, if it is true? Well we need to cut that one friend a break and share our stories, and have someone to ask questions about what we should do or how to handle some of our "baby mama drama" in our lives. Once we get the drama down to a minimum, I promise you things will get better and run alot smoother.

Sooo, this blog goes out to you guys, all those ladies who are soliders for their children and fight for what they believe in. I am right with you in this war and believe me I have been through the fire.